What is this page, why did I make it and why doesn't it work.

What is this page.

This is a selection of sounds that at one time or another I have found amusing.
The icons below are Real Audio files. The ones are Wav files (where they exist).

Whats the difference? Well Real Audio allows you to hear sound in more or less real time (streaming) and not have to wait for the whole thing to download. It can also achieve a compression to about 2.5% of a WAV file.

Why did I make it.

Basicaly because I could

Why doesn't it work.

Well like all debugging problems we need to define 'doesn't work'.

If you can hear the WAV's but not the Real Audio files this probably means you have not got/installed the Real Audio player. This is a plugin for Netscape Navigator
It may work with IEx but then it may not, it ought to but who knows, I don't and neither do I care. You're on your own.
If you want the software download the Real Audio player Or vist the Real Audio Homepage

If you can hear the Real Audio samples but not the WAV's this probably means that I have not uploaded the WAV file as this page is mainly to try out the Real Audio server and WAV files are bloody enourmous, the 5Mb of space quickly fills up with these.

If you cannot get anything to work ask yourself, "have I really switched on my speakers?"

If you still cannot get anything to work consider the following ...
Its obviously your fault and not mine

A selection of sounds

	Natural Born Killers	47k	(?)k	Highway 666
		22k	(?)k	If I were a mass murderer
		33k	(?)k	Mickey and Mallory did it
		11k	(?)k	They're so cool
		8k	(?)k	The whole worlds coming to an end Mal
		13k	(?)k	Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad
		24k	(?)k	Mickey and Mallory Knox are without doubt the most ?? depraved pair of shitfucks it has ever been my displeasure to lay my godammed eyes on. I'm telling you these two motherfuckers are a walking reminder of just how fucked up this system really is
		10k	(?)k	Are you flirting with me? Beep Beep ...
	Pulp Fiction	11k	54k	That was fucking trippy
		6k	23k	Get the fuck out my face with that shit
		73k	(418)k	I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more goddammed time etc
		14k	75k	Any of you fucking pricks move and I'll execute every motherfucking last one of you
		25k	135k	So, you go out there, you gonna say goodnight I've had a very lovely evening. Walk out the door, get in the car, go home, jerk off and thats all you gonna do
	Black Adder	14k	67k	We're in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sicky bun
		22k	83k	God it's a barren featureless desert out there isn't it
		11k	51k	My lord I've been in your family since 1532
		14k	(71k)	Intelligent conversation
		22k	(113k)	I cannot conceive Sir
		14k	(76k)	Baldrick I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large you'd think it's mother had been rogered by an omnibus
		22k	(226k)	Baldrick take a short holiday
		6k	24k	With a ying and a yang and a yippedie do
		9k	42k	What think you my lord of love
		43k	(490k)	Bravo
		17k	(173k)	He's madder than mad Jack McMad the winner of last years Mr madman competition
	HAL 9000	6k	58k	I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen
		14k	(135)k	Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore, goodbye
		9k	(310)k	I'm completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly
	Clint	65k	(372)k	Do you feel lucky punk
		9k	32k	Go ahead, make my day
		22k	117k	You see in this world there's two kinds of people my friend
	Arnie	6k	25k	Hasta la vista, BABY
		3k	12k	I'll be back
	Miscellaneous	89k	(744)k	Brave Sir Robin
		25k	(254)k	Monks
		25k	129k	I love the smell of napalm in the morning

Created 17th November 1996 Last updated 20th April 2001